Oh honey she's "fine"

You see this portrayed in movies, in the grocery store or at the local soccer field... A kid scrapes their knee, falls down, etc. and the first instinct of mom is to run over, hug the child and comfort them.  Dad on the other hand shouts "walk it off" or "no blood/no bones/no vomit, you'll be alright."  There are few words that drive my wife more crazy than me saying "fine" about our daughter.  I have recently begun paying attention to how I react to different situations and realized I say it a lot.  But I don't think I am alone.  Why are we programed to react this way?  Does it mean either parent is wrong?

I believe that each parent is right and we are placed together to balance each other out.  One parent (doesn't always have to be mom) focuses on the nurturing side of things and is there when a good cry is necessary.  One parent (not always dad) is there to remind the child that pain does suck but it will be over in a second and things are NOT usually as bad as they first seem.  This way we teach both sides to our children and make them more balanced as individuals to learn that sometimes we need to get up and dust ourselves off and other times things are more serious and we need to react with compassion and a sense of urgency. 

One recent example stands out in my mind...  Our daughter became tall enough for the bottom of the refrigerator door to hit the top of her head when opened.  She picked up on it fairly quickly and has learned to duck out of the way or slouch to go under while we are grabbing food.  However, one time her move to avoid the hit took her off balance and she went forehead first into the edge of the door opening next to the fridge.  The cry was different... It had real gusto behind it so I picked her up and did my instinctive head to toe inspection.  The knot on her head formed immediately and I (as calmly as can be) walked over to show mom.  Her first words were "we are going to Urgent Care."  I thought to protest, it was Friday night after all and we had plans for a fun family evening; in my mind ice would make everything better and she was over reacting.  But I hesitated and realized that while it is always better to be safe than sorry, going to the doctor was not only good for my daughter but for my wife's peace of mind (and mine as well). 

The doctor basically said - in more credentialed and thoughtful words - that she would be fine, to put some ice on it and monitor her for any changes in consciousness, fever, vomiting, etc.  I will admit that I felt vindicated in my mind but also was a little guilty.  Am I not as caring as my wife?  I think I am, the care is just shown in different ways. 

I can only imagine how many of these situations will happen in the future.  Each one will be different and I will try to halt judgment like "you're ok" until I actually know it.