Dads do not BABYSIT their kids!

Today marks the end of my first week as a stay-at-home dad (at least for now) and the first thing I noticed about my experience with other people is the varied reactions I got to a father and child out during the work day. It was interesting to see reactions from people as I walked my pink clad baby in a carrier on my front into Costco, Babies R Us or Vons.

If ever I wanted to attract 60+ year old women, now is my golden opportunity... My daughter is a magnet to the blue haired babes! We make friends everywhere but once the novelty of my little girl's cuteness ends, the strangers then usually make some comment about me being a dad (implying it is odd). Some are sweet and say that I am a great father for spending time with her, some are funny and say that I am brave, but others are kinda rude. One lady made a comment that I must be in trouble with my wife and I am being punished, another said something to the effect that I am doing my obligatory "daddy time," but the worst were the people that said it was nice for a Dad to babysit his daughter.

Let's look at that statement... Babysit my daughter.  How is that even possible? Do I look like a prepubescent teenage girl with braces? Is watching my daughter a temporary situation, just until Mommy, obviously the better caretaker, gets back in the game? Is a man incapable of (or worse something wrong with him enjoying) raising his children? What struck me as most interesting is that all of the people who called me a babysitter were women!

There is something wrong with the assumption that women are the main caretakers of our children, especially since I hear women constantly complaining about men not doing enough around the house. Here is the deal... Women, if you want your men to step up more then you need to react in the same way you would to a woman spending time with her kids. It SHOULDN'T be a big deal that I am out on a Tuesday at 1100am with my kid. Maybe it's because I have the good fortune to be able to spend this time with her, not because I had no other options (lost or can't find a job) but because it makes the most sense for our family.

The next time you see a dad with his children, think about your internal and external reactions.  Why do you find it out of place or different? Do you think nothing of it? I bet you will be surprised.

Hiring the (HOT) nanny!

Searching for a stranger to take care of one of the most important people in your life is a daunting task to say the least.  When my wife was preparing to return to work, we set out to find the perfect nanny to take care of our daughter.  For multiple reasons we decided that a daycare center or an in their home care provider were not options we wanted.  It was important for us to have flexibility with our care and to keep our daughter in her own environment so we decided spending a little more money for personalized care was worth the investment.

As working professionals, we embrace the internet's time saving tools for finding people and networking; we met on Match.com so we figured why not find our Nanny online too?  I set out to find the best site and after some research decided to get one month membership on Care.com.  This is a decision I would make again and again in the future!  After writing a posting and opening the position for people to apply we received in excess of 50 interested applicants.  Here is where things got interesting...

My wife had placed her trust in me to search and find the best people so we could personally interview each candidate as a team.  Once I had narrowed the applicants down to about ten we started doing the interviews.  We ended up meeting seven women over a three day period.  This is where I got myself in a little trouble.  Remember the episode of "Friends" where Ross and Rachel hire the Hot Nanny?  Well I somehow found myself in the unenviable position of Ross dealing with attractive women interviewing to work in my home taking care of my daughter.

On the first day of interviews the applicants got more attractive as each entered our home.  After the third hot 20-something potential nanny left the interview I pre-empted the possibility of my wife thinking I had used physical attractiveness as a criteria in selecting our child's care taker.  Rose took it in stride and thought my tap dancing was rather funny.  The second and third day went much the same with several attractive applicants coming to our home.  Good thing my wife and I have a healthy marriage with a lot of humor!  I even joked with her that instead of using Match.com I should have searched for my wife on Care.com...  A little creepy yes, but resourceful nonetheless.

We ended up having a difficult decision to make since many of the applicants had great experience and references.  After a lot of deliberation we decided to use our intuition and gut feeling to choose our new Nanny.  We ultimately decided our number one criteria was comfort with the person and alignment with our values.  We couldn't be more happy with our decision!  Our Nanny (keeping her name out of this for obvious reasons) is perfect for Charlotte who lights up each morning when she walks in the door.  They truly are best friends and after the first week Nanny even forgot about being paid joking "I have so much fun here I have to remind myself this is work."

Now lets talk honestly.  As I think any good parent would do, we decided to look into the background of our Nanny prior to hiring her.  Google and Facebook are the perfect places to start.  Once we had made our decision to hire Nanny we searched for anything online about her and realized that not only had we hired an accomplished student at a local college in Child and Family Development but she was also winner of multiple SOCAL pageants and had done very well in the recent Miss California competition.  Yes, I was Ross who had gone and hired a "hot nanny!"

To me though, Nanny is my daughter's perfect caretaker and has become a special member of the family we hope to know for many years.  We are very fortunate to have a person we trust so completely with out daughter.  Having Nanny at home allowed Rose to head back to work with as little stress and guilt as possible and knowing Charlotte is in good hands allows both Rose and I to be the best at work we can be; an amazing blessing for working parents!  Thanks Nanny!

What really matters?

How many times have you received the advice from someone older that the things many people find important aren't really THAT important?  That the only things truly important in our lives are the relationships we make with family, true friends and loved ones.  I think this golden nugget has been thrown my way at least a few hundred times, but until now didn't really appreciate the true meaning of the lesson.

I sit here listening to the gentle hum of a sound machine as my little girl naps in her crib and smiles in her sleep.  What more could I want?  This is the lesson people have been trying to impart for so many years.  But why do so few people heed this advice and really make the connection that it doesn't matter the car they drive, who they know or what they wear?  I remember a time not too distant where I felt I needed to be seen in the coolest clubs, wear name brand clothes, or drive a fancy car.  Now I can't tell you what club is cool, I drive a Ford, my clothes are mostly from Costco... and I couldn't be happier!  Gone are the nights of expensive drinking, next day hangovers and seeing a lot of people, some of whom I didn't care too much for in the first place.

It just saddens me to think that many people don't really learn this lesson until later in life.  They spend a lifetime trying to solve the mysteries of the world when in reality all they need to do is step back and realize that the ingredients for a good life are mostly there for the taking.  The hard part is coming to the realization that it takes a lot of effort to cultivate and maintain positive relationships.  That relationships aren't one sided or temporary.  That we must be the kind of person we want to meet to attract quality people.

What makes this switch in us?  Why aren't we built with this lesson?  I firmly believe it is an internal comfort with ourselves and the realization that we have to make ourselves happy and not search in vain for external things to make us happy.  Having a child has taught me this very important lesson.  Her innocence, laughter and joy in the tiniest things remind me that simplicity is best and adults just muck up the works by complicating life.  I wish I would've learned this lesson so much faster.

I guess Mom, Dad and the grandparents were right...  Mark that one down.

Sock puppet time; the best!

Awesome stay-at-home Dad

Awesome pics from a pretty cool Dad.  His hand gesture sparked controversy recently but I think it is a cool way for him to be a part of the pictures of him with his son.  This guy is doing a great job, keep it up!

Click on this link to see his site: Metal Dad Life

Breast feeding support group... SAY WHAT?

Men, I have found the place you wished existed when you were that confused, hormonally charged 13 year old boy...  The breast feeding support group at your local hospital.  Now, as an adult, you will probably agree with me that a child feeding from a breast takes away some or all of the sexiness from a beautiful female breast but 13 year old you wouldn't have cared one bit.

Try for a moment to picture this.  A room with 15 women all feeding their children as other women (the lactation consultants) walk around and help to "stimulate the flow" or "perk up a nipple."  Now, before you go all crazy on me and say what a creep I am I will tell you that I was probably the most embarrassed person in the room.  I quickly instituted the same rules men have while standing at the urinal in the bathroom.  "Eyes forward, pay attention to only your equipment and avoid eye contact with anyone in the room.  They. Don't. Exist."

The first time we went, my wife and I walked in to the room and I immediately offered to leave because I wasn't sure if I was breaking a rule (or law) by being in the room.  By the fourth or fifth visit with my wife I was mentally solving the breast feeding problems other women were expressing to the consultants because we were becoming breast feeding pros and no longer needed the "support."

When other men came to the group with their wives it was readily apparent who the rookies were.  Some of them were beat red the entire time and you could tell the ones who had wandering eyes.  The best was when the varsity players came to the group and we carried on a conversation across the room, like our wives weren't sitting next to us with both breasts exposed to the world.  I found the entire situation one of those times where you realize life really has changed.  No longer are your nights spent at clubs trying to get a girl to go home with so you can see some breasts.  Your days are now spent going to places where breasts are plentiful, you just look at them in a totally different way...

All kidding aside, the group was extremely helpful for my wife and I.  We both thought breastfeeding would be pretty intuitive and easy to establish.  When our daughter started having issues latching and really didn't seem to be feeding well we needed the help to assure that she would be ok.  The best part of the group was a scale we used to weigh her before and after a feeding.  This way you could tell exactly, down to a tenth of an ounce, how much the baby had consumed and that she was growing just fine.  This reassurance kept us sane on those nights where my wife was dealing with a screaming child who just didn't seem interested in eating.  We are so thankful for all the lactation consultants out there!

Sir, can I help you?

Many studies have shown that the more words a parent speaks around or to their child the better and faster their language skills will develop.  It is even to a point where ads on the radio proclaim a child should hear 30,000 words in a day to be properly exposed to language.  Although I do not count my words on a daily basis, I believe these studies are on to something where it obviously can't hurt to speak more to your baby.

With this in mind I have begun to do what I call "narrate my day" around my little girl.  I basically just tell her what we are doing and make a little game out of the voices I can make and change the inflection in my voice to keep her interested.  She really enjoys the discussions and lately has begun to try to mimic my actions by cooing, grunting and moving her lips.  The problem I have run into is that it is hard to stop once I start my narration.  Even on trips outside the home I find myself thinking out loud and narrating the things we are doing together, especially when she is in the carrier hanging in front of me.  To other people this must look like I am talking to myself.  But the best interaction I had happened in Target last week.

I had Charlotte in her stroller and we were walking through the store picking up all the things we needed on mommy's list.  We headed up to the baby section to scope out the diaper deals for that week and as I walked into the section I started calling out the prices to her and doing the math in my head to figure out if the deal was really that good compared to other stores.  I must have looked very confused not only doing mental math (not my strong suit, just ask my Dad about my struggles with multiplication tables) combined with the fact that I was talking to my child in her stroller made one of the workers walk over to me and say in a very slow but loud voice "Sir,   Can   I   Help   You?"  Thinking back this would have probably been a great opportunity to have some fun with him but I looked up, slightly surprised by the tone of his voice and replied, "No thank you I am just talking to my daughter here about the price of these diapers."  I figured it was better to admit exactly what I was doing then to pretend something else.

The only problem was that our interaction didn't end there.  I went over to the aisle with plastic storage bins and unfortunately they did not have the correct lids for the containers I wanted to buy so I pushed one of the "Need Help" buttons and who should show up?  My best friend, the Target guy.  After helping me to get some more of the lids from the back of the store, he actually apologized for our previous exchange and obviously felt bad for making an assumption about my mental state.

I guess I now qualify for the crazy man who talks to himself in the department store prize...

A failed attempt of a new Father's first Mother's Day.

So I tried...  I tried to be thoughtful, I tried to my sly, I tried to do something that would make my wife's heart melt.  Well, not sure about the heart melting but one thing is for certain, the first mother's day won't be forgotten.

A few days ago my lovely little girl and I took a stroll down the street to the local Michael's craft store with the idea that we (yes, my 2-month old contributed to the idea) would make one of those little impression molds of her hand or foot to give to Mommy as a present.  True to form, I took a seemingly small project and went a little overboard.  Instead of buying the simple bake a hand print clay, I decided to go with the plaster mold in the shape of a heart where I thought I might be able to get both a hand and a foot in the plaster.  That is until we got home and read the directions...

And I quote "hold the child's hand or foot completely still in the gel mold for 1.5 to 2 minutes until the gel sets."  Genius!!!  I am now committing to hold my 2-month old daughter's feet still for 2 whole minutes.  Undeterred, I decided to give it a try and as mommy was taking a late afternoon nap, I proceeded to get everything ready.  The moment of truth came and when I placed her 2 feet in the (cold) gel she decided that this new feeling was not something she enjoyed and immediately lost control of her limbs. After I had calmed her down and cleaned off the drying gel from her feet, I went back to my creation to find the gel mold on it's side and already formed.

I surveyed the damage and decided to give the plaster a try.  Her feet came out looking deformed with little air bubbles making the surface porous and ruff.  After a good painting it looks like something a pre-schooler would make and bring home.

I now truly know the meaning of "it's the thought that counts."  My lovely wife actually loves the mold and spared my ego from the laughing I thought was sure to come.

Happy Mother's day to all!

Nailed it!

Inside Out and Backwards: The Night Feedings

Charlotte has gotten into a nightly routine where she will fall asleep for a solid 4.5 to 5 hours before waking up for a feeding.  Mommy and Daddy really appreciate this time to sleep uninterrupted but once morning hits at about 6am, it is party time!  We have had a little trouble getting her to take the bottle (I say she is a nipple connoisseur and enjoys the real thing WAY too much) so we are trying to get her used to the bottle when she is half asleep in the middle of the night.  So far, it is working...

Last night I did my usual 230am feeding, which is typically the first time she wakes up.  My wife politely (or sometimes not so politely) pokes me since Charlotte sleeps on her side of the bed.  I throw my legs over and pause for a moment to allow my feet to graze the ground.  Upon standing I put my shirt on and shuffle over to the pack n play where my lovely little angel is crying for food.  I toss her over my shoulder and we head to the kitchen for some bottle warming.  Once the frozen milk is on its way to temperature perfection we change the diaper and then begin feeding in the rocking chair (which usually puts me to sleep too).

By the time Charlotte had finished her bottle, she was back to dream land.  I gracefully shifted her in my arms and lightly placed her back to bed before heading the restroom.  After finishing my business I looked in the mirror while washing my hands...  My shirt is inside out AND backwards.  Being a Daddy is awesome!

Being Daddy and Becoming my Father

It hits with a force like no other; I am now a father.  After about a month on the job, I now realize that there is no other more abrupt change in your life, maybe besides death (but we will leave that one alone).  From the moment the nurse handed Charlotte to me I was awestruck by the love I felt for this little creature and terrified by the finality of the event...  No returns, exchanges, or refunds.  There is no receipt, owners manual or instructions.  This little person now depends on mom and I for everything: food, clothing, shelter and love.  We are a one stop shop that determines life and death of a human being.

Now before you get all dumbfounded and think "Tim you didn't realize this yet?" I will say that these thoughts definitely crossed my mind a few hundred times during and even before the pregnancy.  BUT all you need to drive the point home are a few nights spent rocking, swaying and shhhhhing your baby to really make it sink in.  Luckily for mankind there is this little switch that flips in men (or I should say I wish flipped in ALL men) where we go to work providing for and protecting our children.  In the first few weeks, without even noticing it, my mom (Charlotte's Grandma) pointed out that I had assumed my role as protector.  I was now walking the house locking doors and windows, picking things off the floor so we wouldn't trip over them in the dark at night, and starting youth savings and college savings accounts for the baby.

In essence, I had in every fashion turned into my father...  In the best sense of the meaning.  I am now more concerned about wearing comfortable / easy to wash clothing, safety / security of the home and cars, the financial stability of our future and, most importantly, turning off lights that aren't in use to save electricity.  I didn't see that one coming!  I used to make fun of my dad for lurking through the house turning out lights while mumbling something like "I'm not lighting the entire neighborhood."  Now I do this fatherly ritual in my sweatpants with a dad shuffle in the middle of the night.  The circle of life continues...

The transition was abrupt but I wouldn't have it any other way.  I look at the world in a completely different light.  The future means something different to me, in good and bad ways.  For example, at work I attended an experimental training session last week for the military to better train members about sexual assault.  During the training I became more furious and emotional than I could ever imagine.  At one point the session leader asked us to imagine a woman in our lives being raped.  I immediately realized that something as horrific as rape could happen to my daughter and a whole rush of emotions came over me.  I have always been very sensitive to this training and obviously take every session seriously because the problem is real but never before had I imagined my flesh and blood being in that situation.  Now I really can relate to the slightly joking line in movies about a gun and shovel that dads say.

Even with that experience I am overwhelmed with positive thoughts about my daughters future and the future of our family.  The possibilities are endless and as long as she is happy, I am going to be happy.  One of my students described the first time holding his baby before mine was born like "being superman; nothing beats it."  I didn't know it at the time but I couldn't agree more!  Watch out baby, daddy is putting on his cape.

My "Dilating Machine!"

Wow, where do I start with this experience?  I guess we will go chronologically...

My wife went into labor on a Wednesday night.  She was able to cat nap through the first few hours of labor, which allowed me to sleep a bit too, and then early on Thursday the pain had gotten too much for her to stay in bed.  We got up and began walking, swaying, etc. to relieve the pain as best as possible.  The birthing class was very helpful in recommending positions and other activities to make the process a little easier.  We watched a couple funny movies to pass the time ("Idiocracy" and "What to Expect when You are Expecting").  She desired a natural birth so the doctor recommended staying at home as long as possible to ensure the hospital wouldn't intervene too soon.  I found this request by the hospital telling...  "Stay at home so we don't do anything unnecessary" was the way I took it.

At about 9pm on Thursday we headed to the hospital where she was admitted and continued labor.  Once settled into the room we became concerned because all the nurses and doctors were talking about the Baby "being flat."  I finally asked for an explanation and the nurse told us that the babies' heart rate should rise and fall around a baseline that indicates she is tolerating labor well and is getting a good flow of oxygen.  One thing that can make her flat, we found out, is dehydration.  Since my wife had been in labor over 24 hours at this point, her body was reaching exhaustion, and although we had been really conscious to push water during that time she was dehydrated.  She quickly took in 2 liters of fluids and the baby perked up.  It was a huge relief to know the baby was doing well.

The problem then became monitoring.  Since the OB was concerned about the baby's activity level, she mandated that my wife had to stay on the monitors which meant she was unable to get up to walk around and try to relieve the pain naturally through movement.  After a few hours in the bed reaching active labor, she looked up and indicated that the pain was too much to bear and needed the epidural.  I knew from the look in her eyes that she wasn't playing and this was serious.  By the time she got the epidural, she had been in labor for 28 hours and was over 6cm dilated.  A hero in my book!

Once the epidural kicked in and she began to feel better, the OB and nurse dubbed her "the dilating machine."  In less than 2 hours she went from 6cm to the start of pushing.  I was awestruck by how the body can adapt and overcome obstacles and my wife's resolve to keep focused on the baby was amazing!

Now, here is where I will try to keep the descriptive parts to a minimum...  I honestly was unable to stop watching as my baby was born.  I had been told by many guys to keep my focus on my wife's face because I "didn't want to see all that downstairs" but it was amazing to me.  I got to see the first glimpse of my babies' head as she progressed down the birth canal, to see her full head of hair emerge, and most excitedly, to see her move her head from side to side thus helping the delivery.  From the start of pushing to her delivery was only 35 minutes!  Everything happened so fast that it was hard for me to keep up with the action happening around us.  

The best sound of the night was my babies' cry!  When she came out and the OB placed her on my wife's chest, she immediately began to cry and move around.  What a relief after 32 hours of labor.  After I cut the umbilical cord, we focused on our new little girl and enjoyed the first hour of "skin to skin" contact before anything else happened.  After the OB had departed and we were alone with just the nurse, we were able to do the weight, height, Apgar assessment and get her cleaned up.  I then held my little girl for the first time and immediately fell in love.  I never knew you could love something so quickly, with such unquestioning certainty.  It was one of the best feelings ever.  

After delivery, we waited until shift change could happen and then were taken to the recovery room.  We were a little nervous because her crying didn't stop for about the first 2 hours of her life and although great to know she is breathing, it was a bit unnerving.

Now, from the guy's perspective at the hospital...  Almost everyone you come into contact with is a woman (nurses, doctors, lactation consultants, etc.) that has a lot of experience, so I quickly assumed the role of receiver of information and speaker only when spoken to.  The only thing I found need to speak up about was when advocating for my wife and asking the questions that I knew she would want to ask if she wasn't in so much pain.  If she needed something I took it upon myself to figure it out or get someone there ASAP to help.  A great example is the fetal monitor...  I became an expert at disconnecting, reconnecting and positioning those little monitors so she could move, sit up, stand up and walk around if allowed.  I also became an expert at swaddling and bouncing our girl to sleep.  

All in all, it was an amazing experience that I will never forget!

Baby's first picture

Recovery room

Swaddled and loving it!

'Twas the night before her due date...

Thank you to all our wonderful family and friends for supporting Rose and I through this amazing journey thus far.  Tomorrow is Rose's due date and we can report that she is doing well but STILL pregnant.  The baby is getting big and seems to be doing cart wheels in utero.  Below is a my rendition of a famous poem everyone knows.  Enjoy!

‘Twas the night before her due date, when all thro the belly

Not a contraction was stirring, not even that dinner PB and jelly.

The diapers were stacked by the changing table with care,

Ready for the poops that were soon to be there.

The daddy-to-be tossed and turned unable to sleep,

With visions of laundry, toys and bills piled in a heap.

And mama with her body pillow, earplugs and nasal strip

Had settled her head for an evening of pain in her hip.

When down in her belly there arose such a clatter,

I sprang out of bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the hospital we flew like a flash,

Tore down the road and made a mad dash.

The lights of the cars on the freeway in sight

Foretold hours of lost sleep coming that night;

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a beautiful baby so tender and dear.

With a little nose and big blue eyes,

I knew in a moment she was the most wonderful prize.

More rapid and loud than a thundering train,

She cried for her needs as if to exclaim:

“Now! Bottle, now! Paci, now! Blanket o’ muslin;

On! Daddy, on! Mommy, on! Auntie and cousin.”

As I realized the gravity of my new life’s mission,

the baby did not allow time to dawdle or weigh my transition.

Her cheeks were like roses, her belly so round,

She lay there all day making cooing baby sounds.

As I lay down to sleep many days having past,

I never imagined how time could go so fast.

But as my eyes close shut, my dreams for her begin to swirl,

Happy Birthday to her, my sweet baby girl.

Breastfeeding Class

Who would have thought that you needed to take a class to learn how to breastfeed?  I knew it wasn't a foregone conclusion that every woman breastfeeds but I figured it was pretty easy and there wasn't much to it.  I couldn't have been more WRONG!

My wife  signed up for a breastfeeding class upon the recommendation of several friends and family members.  When she asked me to go I joyously accepted the challenge.  3 hours talking about breasts… What heterosexual man wouldn't be intrigued?  What I got wasn't what I bargained for.

First of all, I must say that I was pretty proud of the male representation at the class.  Almost every pregnant woman had her partner there and the men were just as participatory in the class as the women.  Having said that, there were some moments where you could tell the guys got uncomfortable.  Talking about chapped nipples and colostrum is not sexy, lets be honest.  There is nothing like dissecting the anatomy of a breast or discussing what happens to a nipple when the child latches to make you look at breasts in a totally different way.

Then there was the one story that horrified most men in the room.   The instructor explained that when a woman who is still breastfeeding a child has an orgasm, it is possible for the release to cause milk to come shooting out of her breasts.  She knew a man that was covered with breast milk while his wife was on top.  Talk about scaring a man for life…  I guess you have to maintain your sense of humor during this process.

On the whole, the class was an amazingly interesting experience where I learned a great deal and now know that there is way more about breastfeeding then I ever thought possible.  This was yet another eye opening experience.  Each day I gain even more respect and deference to the women in my life for all the sacrificing they do to bring another human into this world.  My wife (and mother) is amazing!

The Nest

Baby's room... a sanctuary, a place of peace and tranquility for babe to learn, grow and rest their head.  It is also a place for daddy to put all the furniture together before the bundle of joy makes their appearance.  By now you probably have noticed that I make a lot of comments tongue-in-cheek.  Don't get me wrong, I loved doing our nursery, but that furniture can be a bear to put together!  That is, once you've decided which furniture to buy, order it and wait the 6-12 weeks for it to ship.  Then finally the store gives you a 10-hour window for the delivery on a day that the wife has already put together a sizable "honey-do" list.

Now Dads-to-be, I recommend the following: speak only when spoken to, listen to your wife and be very patient.  The expectations for junior's nursery are huge; your job is to think about safety, durability and to be the pack mule/handyman.  The lady of the house will change her mind a million times and that is fine.  Go with it and try to find the humor in moments where you are at the point of saturation.

Some things I learned going through the process:
1.  Baby furniture has 2 price points: cheap and expensive.  Really there is a third but that one is called "out of your league expensive."  Try to be as frugal as possible but remember that you are going to be trusting this furniture with one of the most important people in your life.  If there is one thing to get right, it is the crib, which have become increasingly regulated in recent years and are much safer.  Oh by the way, those crib bumper things are death traps now.  Apparently our parents were horrible people and wanted us to die (love you mom!).  The bottom line is that you can get pretty creative with anything except the crib.  For the changing table, buy a normal dresser and put a changing pad on top of it.  What else will you use that changing table for after your kids are potty trained?  At least in this case you will still have a usable dresser when your kids get older.

2.  Get the painting done early!  Choosing the perfect color will be her job, slapping it on the wall should be yours.  The fumes might make your pregnant wife nauseous and probably aren't very good for the baby.  Have her take a day away from the house and maybe spend the night with her at a romantic local hotel to let the fumes subside.  This kills many birds with one stone and, let's face it, builds major brownie points.

3.  Storage, storage, storage.  This means many things.  First of all, you are going to need to get rid of a lot of YOUR stuff.  Those college items from your alma mater?  Adios!  As Jeff Foxworthy said in his stand up, "When my wife moved in it sounded like a stewardess at the end of a flight as she talked to my stuff.  Bye now, bye, bye, thanks for coming, bye."  Now this is where a storage unit, unused closet or the garage comes into play.  Chances are that your man cave or office is now going to be the nursery so the faster you move the stuff out on your terms, the more you will keep!  Next, you need to think about where all this baby stuff is going to go.  The baby shower and other gifts will bring in about 6 different sizes of clothes your baby will go through in less than 2 years.  Get some plastic bins and start packing it away for the future.  Then you have to find a place for all those diapers, burp cloths, wipes, bibs, toys, etc.

4.  I completely underestimated the importance of the rocking chair!  They are all the same, right?  Haha, silly man.  First of all, they are "gliders" and there are so many options and differences that you could spend several weeks to find just the right one.  I am told that this piece of essential gear will be a life saver when the baby is fussy so I am going to have trust my sources. Don't freak out, but this is also most likely going to cost you.  I saw several for around $1000 in one store and none of them had rolling massage, a cooler, or anything you'd expect in a chair that expensive.  In the end, we settled on a Target glider that looks to be sturdy and is actually quite comfortable for about $200 (Target Glider).  Hopefully it will stand the test of time!

There are probably more things I could add to this list but until the baby starts using our nursery I am going to reserve judgement on how well we did preparing.  In a couple months I will probably look back at this post and realize how little I knew at this point.  But isn't that what makes this whole process fun?  It is all about the journey and not the destination!

Putting together IKEA furniture in college helped prepare me for this day! 

Baby stores!

How can something so small need so much crap?  If you have walked into Buy Buy Baby or Babies R Us lately you know what I am talking about.  Besides the lovely smell of baby powder and diapers (ever noticed how all babies smell the same?  More on that later…)  I was immediately struck by how many ridiculous options there are and how many items I never thought I needed immediately became a "must have."  Nose suction thingy? Check.  Rectal thermometer? Check.  $400 stroller? Gotta have 2!

The worst part… I had so much fun!  I am not sure how many Dads will actually admit this but doing the registry thing was way too much fun, if not a little stressful, and not because I got to play with that scanner thing.  It was a whole new world that I only had a little bit of experience through a younger sibling and nieces.  Doing the shopping brought my wife and I together for yet another challenge of compromises, decisions and sacrifices (on my part… j/k).  Not since the wedding did we have to make so many choices in such a short period of time.  Planning the wedding was challenge #1 for our marriage, 5 hours in Buy Buy Baby was challenge #2, 3 and 4…  In the best way possible.

Another crazy thing I noticed is the way retailers are marketing their products to Dads!  Want a Diaper Bag that doesn't scream "I love Vera Bradley hot pink?"  Check out www.diaperdude.com.  I found them at a local store and checked the website.  The inside cover of the bag I got has a check list of necessities; perfect for men that need a reminder every now and then.  The last item at the bottom of the list?  "Baby!"  I appreciate humor like this and say amen to the concept.

Now, about that baby smell.  After many hours of baby sitting and spending time with kids I always wondered why kids had the same smell.  Not poop, spit up or food, but something else I only thought came from diapers or powder.  Nope... today I realized the culprit!  I began doing the baby clothes wash before things get too crazy and opened that new bottle of sensitive baby laundry detergent.  Out came Eau de Baby in all its glory!  Is this what detergent smells like without all the "Gain Freshness?"  I had one of those moments in life where I felt like a mystery had been revealed.  Maybe I am just crazy, but I think those bottles of laundry detergent have made all our kids smell the same.

My final parting word on this topic is possibly the best tip.  There is a magical little book out there that made the entire shopping process a million times easier.  It is called Baby Bargains.  The intention of this book is to save you money but in my opinion it helped my wife and I save our sanity.  The book gives you a report card on each make and model of pretty much anything and even provides their "Good, Better, Best" in many of the categories to hit each price point.

Enjoy the shopping… And don't forget to check Amazon before you buy!

My checklist.

It's not a purse!  It's a shoulder bag for the kids...

You're Pregnant?

The moment I found out that I was going to be a father will be forever etched in my memory.  The idea of trying to get pregnant was still new and fun for Rose and I.  We weren't really "trying," we were just not actively preventing anything.  After a trip to a friend's wedding, Rose said she was late and feeling different.  I brushed it off a little and said we should wait a few days to be sure before doing a test.  After a short debate, we decided to stop at Target on the way home and pick up a pregnancy test because she wanted to be able to sleep that night.  In hindsight I agree with her, but let's not let her know I said she was right.

The pregnancy test aisle is one I can honestly say I never ventured down.  I was amazed at how many options there are for home pregnancy tests.  I figured it was an easy purchase…  WRONG!  After several minutes debating the merits of different options we went with some standard tests that claimed excellent accuracy but were cheaper than the rest.  Now men, here is where I have some advice.  Spend the extra $3 and get the damn digital pregnancy tests!  Even though the package says "2 pink lines is positive" in our case the second pink line was faint.  Being an inherently skeptical person when it comes to big things, I needed a second test…

The second stick had another faint line!  Now, when it is 9pm on a Sunday and you think your life may have just changed forever, you need that line to be rock solid, not "kinda pink."  I was a little indignant as a consumer, like Ross on "Friends" with his condom freak out…  Only nicer and more supportive.

That evening Rose slept very soundly.  I couldn't sleep to save my life.  My mind was already racing through the scenarios and to-do lists.  Should we stay in our condo or try to buy a home?  Are we really financially ready for a baby?  What can I do to make this experience as easy as possible for Rose?  What about our careers?  If only you could've heard my inner monologue that night.

Needless to say, we were ecstatic.  The next morning she made the call to her doctor and the rest is history.  If nothing else, we will buy the better tests next time.

Give me a more definitive answer!

Background

Before I continue any further, I guess we should take a step back and look at our story.

Rose and I met on match.com in early 2010.  We were both too busy and fed up with the dating scene so we decided to give the online game a try.  It took a 1 sentence e-mail to snag her (she tells the story differently, but I only tell the truth).  After 8 months of dating I realized that this was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.  The qualities I love about her are too long to list and I don't want her head to get too big.  Most important is that she challenges me each and every day to be a better man and has infinite confidence in me.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should tell you Rose's occupation; she is a sex therapist.  Pause for reaction…  Her education would intimidate almost anyone.  In all, she holds 4 post graduate degrees to include a PhD and works at a multidisciplinary practice helping couples and individuals suffering from sexual disfunction and other issues.  The field is undergoing an explosion (pun intended) of research and interest and I am proud to say that my wife is a part of the excitement.  I am often asked whether I have issues with her work or reservations about her somehow analyzing our personal life.  The best response I have come up with is: "do you think she would have married me if there were issues?"  Presumptuous, and a little conceited maybe, but it is often taken in the way I mean it - lightheartedly.  

Now, where was I?  We were engaged for another 8 months and wed in the summer of 2012 in San Diego, CA.  The journey of dating to engaged to married is probably another topic for someone else to blog about so I will keep it brief.  The entire journey was one of true maturing on my part.  I am an admittedly "old" person, or so I've been told, so it wasn't maturing in the way many people think.  For me the process seemed like a natural step where I was ready to enjoy what I consider to be the better things in life.  Going out on the town was all well and good, but in my opinion nothing beats a quiet night at home with my wife and having someone to share the little things that make life great.  In hindsight, we were both ready for that next step and I think that made all the difference in the world.

The rest is pretty much history…  Had the fun of joining two households into one.  The experience where she, as politely as possible, told me that my condo needed less college stuff (and apparently more flower stuff).  After about a year of marriage we decided it was time to start "trying."  I call it "pulling the goalie" but she doesn't much appreciate the metaphor.  Our luck must have been strong because within one month she was preggers.  

Engaged

Wedding

Honeymoon

And the rest of our story begins now...

The Beginning

Welcome to my world… One filled with many different roles, responsibilities and stories to share.  I decided to start this blog when I received a couple pieces of exciting news and my life began to change.    I hope to share the journey 2014 (and beyond) will bring and maybe provide some humor in the process.

First, my amazing, smart, beautiful and talented wife Rose (she raises the bar for me every day!) became pregnant last summer. She is due to bring our daughter into this world in March 2014.  I couldn't be happier!  The second piece of exciting news is that I will be making a major career transition in 2014.  After nearly 7 years as an Active Duty Naval Officer, I have decided to go into the Navy Reserve and head back to school.  In December 2013 I was accepted into the University of San Diego School of Business Administration.  I will start working on my MBA in Fall 2014.

With a new baby and school to attend, my life roles will change drastically.  After a great deal of discussion, Rose and I decided that the best move for our family is for me to attend school in the evenings and become a stay at home dad during the day.  This is where the fun begins!  I am about to begin a new adventure, one that I couldn't imagine just a few years ago when I was on the bridge of a destroyer headed west into the sunset.  

I hope to openly share with you the ups and downs of being a stay at home dad.  I will take you through the entire transition and beyond: bringing our baby into the world, those critical first months with my wife at home, the time of transition between careers and into the years of unknown challenges.  Maybe no one will read this, maybe it will be popular, but at a minimum it will serve as a record of the time I spend with my girl.  What else could be more important?

Hopefully my little one won't be embarassed when she reads this later…  On second thought, isn't that one of the perks of being a parent?

My creative wife had a great idea for the announcement!