Breast feeding support group... SAY WHAT?

Men, I have found the place you wished existed when you were that confused, hormonally charged 13 year old boy...  The breast feeding support group at your local hospital.  Now, as an adult, you will probably agree with me that a child feeding from a breast takes away some or all of the sexiness from a beautiful female breast but 13 year old you wouldn't have cared one bit.

Try for a moment to picture this.  A room with 15 women all feeding their children as other women (the lactation consultants) walk around and help to "stimulate the flow" or "perk up a nipple."  Now, before you go all crazy on me and say what a creep I am I will tell you that I was probably the most embarrassed person in the room.  I quickly instituted the same rules men have while standing at the urinal in the bathroom.  "Eyes forward, pay attention to only your equipment and avoid eye contact with anyone in the room.  They. Don't. Exist."

The first time we went, my wife and I walked in to the room and I immediately offered to leave because I wasn't sure if I was breaking a rule (or law) by being in the room.  By the fourth or fifth visit with my wife I was mentally solving the breast feeding problems other women were expressing to the consultants because we were becoming breast feeding pros and no longer needed the "support."

When other men came to the group with their wives it was readily apparent who the rookies were.  Some of them were beat red the entire time and you could tell the ones who had wandering eyes.  The best was when the varsity players came to the group and we carried on a conversation across the room, like our wives weren't sitting next to us with both breasts exposed to the world.  I found the entire situation one of those times where you realize life really has changed.  No longer are your nights spent at clubs trying to get a girl to go home with so you can see some breasts.  Your days are now spent going to places where breasts are plentiful, you just look at them in a totally different way...

All kidding aside, the group was extremely helpful for my wife and I.  We both thought breastfeeding would be pretty intuitive and easy to establish.  When our daughter started having issues latching and really didn't seem to be feeding well we needed the help to assure that she would be ok.  The best part of the group was a scale we used to weigh her before and after a feeding.  This way you could tell exactly, down to a tenth of an ounce, how much the baby had consumed and that she was growing just fine.  This reassurance kept us sane on those nights where my wife was dealing with a screaming child who just didn't seem interested in eating.  We are so thankful for all the lactation consultants out there!