Finally learning... Simple is better with kids!

My wife, daughter and I went to Disneyland this past weekend to enjoy the Holiday spirit and get in what might be out last visit for over a year with a baby on the way.  We were a little hesitant because our last visit a few months ago was a small disaster.  Last time I planned the whole time we would be there, we talked about our "game plan" and prioritized the things we wanted to do.  It seemed logical to be organized but our toddler had the last say and our plan basically imploded from the beginning.


What I realized this time, is that I can't over plan a trip or experience to meet some crazy expectation I hold.  Our previous trip was going to be "perfect" and the "best Disney trip EVER" in my mind.  I set myself up for failure from the beginning.  This more recent time, I made the basic plans like lodging, dinner reservation and left the rest to fate.  We decided to ask our daughter which rides she wanted to do and went from there. 

The free flowing two days of last weekend were infinitely more fun than the one day we attempted with a timeline.  Even rain couldn't stop us from having fun.  While exhausted and wet at the end of the day, we still had fun walking back to our hotel and will look back on the trip with fond memories.  As a result of this trip I am finally realizing that kids don't expect a lot, they just want our undivided attention and the opportunity to explore.  I already knew this on some intuitive level but now I know to fight my extremely type-A, organized traits to just let the kid decide.

Thank you sweetie for teaching Daddy to calm down and go with the flow!  I needed that...

Eyes Open to the Realities of Parenting with Number 2 on the Way

I waited to write this post until the big ultra sound was completed.  My wife is about 22 weeks pregnant with our second child but for some reason I was more nervous about this pregnancy than the last.  Lately, I have been inundated by pregnancy and parenthood horror stories about miscarriages, deformities and other problems.  We had a realization a couple days ago that both of us went into the first pregnancy relatively naïve about the potential problems we could face and this time around are more cautious about our optimism.  While we knew the potential problems, it was something I don't think we internalized very much.


Call it maturity or call it experience, but I am most definitely a different person now then when my wife was pregnant with our daughter.  There is a comedian (Michael McIntyre) who has a clip from his comedy spread "People with no Kids Don't Know" that perfectly explains this phenomenon.  I had no idea what I was getting into when our daughter was on the way.  I obviously don't regret having children but knowing what I know now would have changed my perception during the pregnancy.  That change in perspective concerns simple things like appreciating sleep a little more, and driving slower/safer but it also puts a new perspective on the bigger picture like being healthy for my kids so I am there for them, making career decisions based more on security vice a "passion" and appreciating each little hug I get from my daughter.


Last night I felt my son kick for the first time.  It was a small movement but I couldn't get over the enormity of the moment.  That kick is the most reassuring thing I could ever want because as long as he is kicking that means he is probably healthy and doing well.  At this point in my life I don't really want for many things... Just to feel the kick of my unborn son and know my daughter is safe.  Everything else is just icing on the cake.

Armed Guard at our Pre-school

I will admit that I have never really felt threatened, oppressed or terribly uncomfortable in my personal life - which is obviously a good thing and I am very grateful for that.  I grew up in a white, middle class, educated, Christian and drama-free family and as such have been fortunate to never have to worry about gun shots outside my window, where my next meal was coming from or whether I would be able to get a decent job after attending a good university.  For many Americans like me, the nightly news is where we see "other people" suffering through great tragedy or oppression.  It doesn't really happen in my life so most worldly trouble is at a distance.  It took my military experiences - both as a military child and later on active duty - to see the difficulties other people face on a daily basis around the world and even then it was from the comfort and security of reliable housing, food and security.


Yesterday that changed.  Following the attacks in San Bernardino my daughter's pre-school, which is part of a Jewish Synagogue, decided to employ an armed security guard at the front of their already fairly secure facility which includes a key pad entry, gates/fences all around and cameras covering the entire compound.  When I walked into the school I realized, for just a split second and still from a place of security, that these events affect me and my family in a tangible way.  Up to this point, the thought of my family being personally involved in something as horrific as a mass shooting was reserved for that deep dark place in the back of my mind reserved for earthquakes, tsunamis and shark attacks.  Now I am confronted with the specter of oppression, attack and insecurity, if only in my mind.  Last night I thought about what other people must deal with on a daily basis.  Even a place of worship, like the one my daughter goes to each day, is subject to this cloud of uncertainty and in the case of many faiths, must always be slightly on edge.  I have never personally felt this uncertainty while practicing my religion and it was eye opening to have that moment of pause.


The new normal we face is this uncertainty.  I went to see a movie last week and unfortunately had a moment where I actively looked for the exit and thought about the "what ifs" based on previous attacks in public places.  This is exactly what terrorists, both domestic and international, want us to think.  In response, I will continue to live my life, but will do so with greater purpose, more gratitude and an increased sense of what is truly important.


After the attack on Pearl Harbor, a sentiment often attributed to Admiral Yamamoto spoke about awaking a "sleeping giant."  When will we wake up from this nightmare and realize it is time to act?  Not from a place of hatred, revenge or fear, but act as a unified force who takes a hard look at the current state of affairs and makes the tough decisions to improve our world.  The decisions we need to make are for a different post, but it is about time we drop the rhetoric, grow up and do what is right.  I can only now take a glimpse into the world the parents in Newtown, Connecticut must experience when dropping their children off at school each day.