The Vehicular Equivalent of a Refrigerator

Let’s be honest up front.  Minivans aren’t sexy or fun.  They are the vehicular equivalent of a refrigerator; they are meant to accomplish a job and everything else such as options, style, color and lighting are icing on a fairly bland package.  We only really notice when the thing doesn’t work.  Think about it, if your refrigerator stopped working, you would care a great deal, but on a daily basis it isn’t really at the forefront of your thoughts.  A minivan is just like that.  We don’t lust for it like a super car, we don’t worry whether it is spotless, we wouldn’t take it to the valet to show off, the thing just needs to work really well so we can go about the rest of our life with efficiency and purpose.  If we can make that bland package a little more attractive then that is great, but not at the expense of the intended purpose.

            When I began the 7-day test of the Kia Sedona I was met with ridicule in my office.  “Tim you are testing a minivan?” “Wow, life is really over.” “Why not something cooler?”  I didn’t really care too much because my purpose was to approach it as a family man, which I embrace wholeheartedly.  That is what minivan makers need in a customer, someone who sees the utility and doesn’t really care about the other crap.  The most important thing I learned in this test is that minivan owners can drive down the road with their heads held high because they already know something those other people don’t - they are driving the vehicle many people need but never get over their insecurities to purchase.  In a lot of ways, minivan drivers are wise individuals who probably have a great deal of self-esteem because they don’t care what other people think.  Heck, embrace having a family and buy that refrigerator on wheels!

            We decided to make this test a road trip and headed to Disneyland for the weekend with Grandma and Grandpa in the van with us.  The first thing they pointed out was good positioning of hand holds for getting in and out of the van which they said was an important feature in their book.  Plus one for Kia.  We got on the road and first thing I noticed different than my SUV was peace and quiet.  Not quiet in terms of road noise but quiet from the back seat…  I will admit that my daughter hates riding in the car, probably because she doesn’t enjoy being constrained in the seat for long periods, but the roomier atmosphere combined with her more upright position in the new car seat made her more happy which in turn made us more happy.  Plus a huge one for minivans in general!

            On the highway I was surprised by how responsive the van was and the ease with which I was able to maintain SOCAL fast lane speeds on I-5 (I won’t say a number, but if you’ve driven around there you know what I mean).  The engine, transmission and steering invoked confidence while transporting some of the most precious people in my life at relatively high rates of speed.  Our living room on wheels did the job competently and comfortably.  What more could I ask for?  Well, “style and gizmos” you say…  This one has you covered.  In fact, the feature I was most impressed with is the radar adaptive cruise control.  I kid you not, from the moment I got on the freeway in Anaheim to the moment I got off the freeway in East San Diego, I did not touch the accelerator or brake!  All I had to do was adjust the following distance a little and pay attention as the van kept a steady speed and adjusted with the traffic ahead of me.  I hope to see this feature trickle down to other cars at a lower price point in the coming years. 

Besides the road trip, I also had the rest of the week to run errands, commute back and forth to work and generally test the van in many different circumstances.  If you are a parent I want you to think about the last time you went grocery shopping or to a big box store.  When you came out with a kid or two on your hip you approached the car with the daunting task of belting in a hyper tornado that contorts in ways the human body shouldn’t be able to, doing it again (and again in some cases) while simultaneously trying not to crack the eggs and drop the milk you just bought.  Once all the fun is in the car, you then have to navigate out of the busy parking lot with dozens of other grumpy people who all think their time is more valuable than yours and have less patience than your kids in the back seat who are now yelling to put “that frozen song” on the radio.  You merge onto the freeway into the abyss that is our interstate system, potholes and all.  Wouldn’t you want something to make this all a little easier?  Why have a vehicle that makes the experience more stressful or difficult? 

Straight to the point, the minivan is our answer…  Now, back to the problem.  Minivans are what our parents drove.  Minivans are what old people drive.  Minivans make us feel like we are actually a parent.  That is why station wagons were replaced by vans several decades ago and this is now why SUVs are so popular.  They are the newest iteration of “something different than my parents drove.”  Now, obviously not everyone feels this way, but it is a major sentiment among people my age who are starting families of their own.  When I talked to several co-workers about doing a van review they made fun of the idea and called me an old man.  I realize it was in jest and still love them, but it perfectly displays the millennial mindset about the minivan.  That was until they rode in the van for a group trip to get lunch.  They were not only impressed with the space and versatility of the van, but were pleasantly surprised by how Kia’s quality is comparable to other makers at this point.  I completely agree.

Ultimately, the decision to get a van is something each parent will have to grapple with, however short or long the discussion, I would venture to say we will all think about it at some point.  Some will honestly not need one, others will delude themselves into thinking that an SUV will do the job better because they might “need” to go off-road once, while others will admit they wouldn’t be caught dead in a minivan.  All are perfectly acceptable responses and you are obviously allowed to do with your money as you see fit.  I for one will be looking more seriously at minivans in the future.  If they can all provide the same level of comfort, convenience and (a little bit of) style, then sign me up.  Soccer dad status, here I come!

The "why I got out" issue

     A recent opinion article posted on one of the many online military forums addressed the reasons why Officers get out of the Military (specifically Navy Surface Warfare Officers). It caused a bit of an uproar in the community resulting in several satirical pieces on other websites and a great deal of ensuing comments, some nice and others not so nice, in response to the author's point of view. This cycle seems to be repeating itself every few months with no real added substance to the debate or positive recommendations for how to help fix a problem that some argue doesn't even exist. I personally believe the author's points of view had merit but the reasons were either too generic or were reasons I have heard a million times before. So, in the hopes of stirring some positive debate and a potential solution to one issue, I submit my main reason for departing active duty which I believe is becoming more and more common among Junior Officers. I personally can only speak to the SWO community but I imagine this problem persists in all branches.
 

     Bottom line: The majority of military spouses are women (81% of all Navy SWOs are men according to PERS-41 career brief). They are outpacing their husbands in education and want to have a career of their own. Many post-graduate careers have state licensing/board requirements and are professionally difficult to move from one place to another every few years. Something has to give in these dual income military marriages and I think men are at a point where it is becoming more acceptable to take a "back seat" to their wives' career or at least make it a larger factor in their own career decision making process. If the military doesn't better address this concern they will begin to lose increasing numbers of excellent male and female Officers who may have otherwise stayed on Active Duty.

     Most studies on Millennials define the group as individuals born between 1980 and the late 1990s with the group currently somewhere between the ages of 18 and 35. This age group makes up the majority (by numbers) of the Officer population in the Military if you figure an O-1 normally starts at 22 years old (PERS-41 brief says O-1 to O-3 make up 70% of SWOs). The media frequently points out that this generation has many distinct differences with the preceding Gen-X and Boomers. The White House Council of Economic Advisors published a report in October 2014 entitled "15 Economic Facts About Millennials" that exemplified some of these differences. Besides the fact that Millennials are now the largest and most diverse generation in the U.S. population, they also have some very different priorities than their parents. Some examples include:

• Significantly higher percentages report the following life goals as "Quite or Extremely Important" (White House Report).
• Time for recreation
• Contribution to society
• Live close to family and friends
• Find new ways to experience things
• Millennials average hours spent parenting have increased for both fathers and mothers, tripling for fathers since 1985 and increasing by 60 percent for mothers (White House Report).
• Women are now outpacing men in college achievement. According to a 2012 report by the Council of Graduate Schools, 59% of first-time enrollments in Graduate-level education were women; 60% of Master's degrees and 52% of Doctoral degrees were conferred to women in the 2011-2012 academic year. This trend continues upward to this day with the gap widening between men and women.
• From 1950 to "... 2013 the median marriage age increased by more than 6 years for both genders, reaching 29.0 and 26.6 for men and women respectively." But the percentage of Millennials who say they want to get married and have kids are actually higher than both Boomers and Gen-X (White House Report).

 

     What does all this mean? Job market demographics are quickly changing and it will have dramatic effects on the Military; I personally believe it will affect Officers the most. Anecdotally I can say that these shifts are already having an effect. In my group of friends I am the underachiever; I have no less than a dozen military friends who personally hold or have a spouse either in school or already possessing extremely demanding post-graduate degrees including a couple of "double doctors," numerous JD and/or MBA and a few nursing or medical field Master's degrees.  These friends are high achievers and are attracted to people who share their desire for excellence in their professional lives.  My own wife holds four (yes, the number 4) post graduate degrees including a Doctorate and her professional drive was one of the things that made her very attractive when we began dating. Do you think many Military spouses want to purposely disregard all of that educational investment, put their career on hold and follow them around the world? Some make that sacrifice but I know of many who want to continue a rewarding career while making their marriage as healthy as possible. It is a deeply personal decision and I have the utmost respect for anyone's decision that is right for their family.

 

     With all those degrees in professional fields, many spouses now hold a license, have to pass the Bar, or own a practice somewhere near their Military partner. These professional necessities are not easy to move from state to state. As a matter of fact, this was one of the reasons I decided to transition to Reserve Duty and plant roots in one spot; my wife holds a CA state licensure for Marriage and Family Therapy and has a fantastic job I couldn't possibly ask her to give up. The way I figure, women have been sacrificing their professional lives for men all these years, why not equal things out a bit? Now don't get me wrong, there were other reasons, such as the desire not to be away from my daughter for extended periods of time, but it definitely weighed in my mind as unfair for her to make such a sacrifice.

 

     My recommended solutions are: a professional change in mentality/culture and legislation aimed at fixing the problem. First, the military needs to be aware that an increasing number of Military members have spouses who desire to work outside the home and therefore need greater geographic stability or options. It should not be seen as a major career faux-pa for someone to "homestead" in one place for extended periods of time. I will admit that I see more acceptance of homesteading than when my Dad was in the Navy but I personally have heard multiple Senior Officers express their distaste for Officers who resist changing duty station location, as if it is improper to even question the decisions of PERS. One Junior Officer I know who resisted an overseas move due to concerns about his wife's career was told to just accept their fate and "get over it." I realize that the needs of the Navy are vitally important but if the Military truly wants to keep the best people and maintain high morale there needs to be a better effort to find people who want to take orders in different locations instead of forcing someone to leave their family behind for two or three years. There are individuals who want to make moves, it just takes a little more time and effort to detail these people to the right jobs. I applaud the Navy for making positive strides in this area but I personally believe the problem will only get more challenging in the coming years.

 

     Second, there needs to be more legislative changes to allow for greater flexibility with professional licensing. There actually has been a lot of movement in this area over the last few years which is very promising. We all should address the fact that people are more mobile in their careers than ever before and we should not be so short sighted as to geographically limit high achieving individuals who contribute a great deal to society. The First Lady and Dr. Jill Biden, both obviously high achievers in their own right, have led a movement since 2012 to help remedy this problem and I think the Military has a vested interest in trying to encourage these positive changes in whatever way possible. I also believe the Military should be getting the word out to Military members that there have been changes recently and their Spouses may have more opportunities than they think. A little PR from HR about this issue could go a long way toward retaining good people.

 

     Not to be forgotten, one group I have failed to address that certainly deserves discussion are stay-at-home parents. PERS-41 reports that 38% of SWOs have children; I presume they are the more senior Officers. While there was an increase in the percentage of stay-at-home Mothers (and fathers!) over the last decade, according to PEW research "only 5% of married stay-at-home mothers with working husbands had at least a master's degree and family income higher than $75,000."  High income, educated families therefore are much less likely to have a stay-at-home mom.  Doesn't that sound like the exact situation I am discussing? I personally know that a married O-3 or O-4 in San Diego makes more than $75,000 so that means someone who fits the above description is in the small minority of households. The point I am trying to make is that I believe stay-at-home moms are on the decline in the Officer Community, especially since there are more female Officers (with male spouses) and a greater number of female spouses with advanced degrees which increases their options for employment outside the home.

 

     Please do not think I am somehow against stay-at-home parents or am judging this trend. I am merely stating observations and trying to provide sound evidence to back-up my claims. I was raised by a stay-at-home mother and have the utmost respect for someone who is able and willing to stay at home, but it looks like families with higher incomes and education are becoming less likely to have a stay-at-home parent. I am not saying whether that is a good or bad thing, just the fact that it is happening.

 

     Even though I am no longer on Active Duty I hope to continue to make a positive difference through service in the Reserves. I believe it is time to advance the discussion of Officer retention past mud slinging or personal slights. One of my senior leaders actually became offended when I said I was considering all options in my career, even getting out. He took the statement as a reflection on him that I thought his lifestyle wasn't good enough for me... I have heard multiple other JOs in my year group tell similar stories. I will say, however, that I am encouraged by a trend of greater acceptance by Senior Officers of those people who have decided to depart Active Duty. I have personally heard the Commander, Naval Surface Forces (CNSF) and his Chief or Staff both say that while they hope people choose to stay in, it is ok to get out, as long as you have a good plan and are making the decision for the right reasons. I think we should be open about what people want and if the Navy does the right things by having honest dialogue they won't have to convince people to stay in with large bonuses or other incentives. Cultural changes really do need acceptance at the top and hopefully this attitude trickles down to a place where JOs feel comfortable talking about their careers in an open way and receive truly good mentorship. Our Junior Officers deserve the kind of leadership CNSF is demonstrating.

 

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The opinions expressed here are my own and are meant to present one perspective on the topic of Officer retention. I encourage productive responses to this opinion and hope to hear from others on my thoughts in a respectful and positive discussion.

 

President Lincoln's death and our Family Heirlooms

Today (and tomorrow) marks the 150^th anniversary of the assassination of President Abraham Lincoln.  Now, you are probably thinking, “what a freakin’ horrible way to start Tim” but the reason I point out the historic date is because one of my most precious possessions is a newspaper from the morning after he was shot.  The framed copy of the cover of The New York Herald dated April 15, 1865 was found when my grandfather’s parents passed away and they cleaned out the house.  It is one of two physical connections I keep with my Papa that reminds me each day of my family and keeps me connected with previous generations.

Not only do we have this awesome piece of history in our living room but on the opposite wall hangs my Grandfather’s clock he received when he retired from Westinghouse.  My daughter has become fascinated with the clock.  The pendulum swings ticking away the seconds and it chimes every 15 minutes with the hourly strikes marking time.  She dances a little each time it chimes; starting the pendulum or winding the mechanism has become a part of our daily routine.  Not to be forgotten, the other side of my family is represented by my Grandmother’s suitcase from the 1950s, which sits under a table near the clock.  My daughter tries to hide behind it when we play hide and seek but invariably her little butt sticks out and she giggles as I “look” for her.

My wife’s family also has several important pieces of family history in our home.  During Christmas this past year we prominently displayed a large collection of decorations given to us by her Mom and Dad, which they collected throughout her childhood.  We put up her family nativity and also incorporate toys from her childhood into our daughter’s playtime.  In her room we display precious mementos such as my wife’s shoes she took her first steps in, ballet slippers she used and many other childhood memories that keep a watchful eye over our daughter as she sleeps. 

All of these little pieces of history are what make our house a home.  When I walk around cleaning up after a long day or sit down to enjoy dinner with my family, I am reminded that we are living out the dreams our ancestors wanted for their family: to be happy and prosperous.  I know that our relatives living and deceased are with us with each chime of the clock and those who aren’t with us can’t help but laugh as my daughter does something mischievous.  It may sound weird but I am even comforted by the smell of my Grandmother’s cigarettes that still permeates the inside of the clock; I can’t seem to bring myself to scrub that memory from the clock and my life. 

History is funny like that, even though the smell was awful when she was alive, it is my remaining connection to her that I now covet as a part of my childhood. 

As a parent, I hope to make positive memories and pass on these family heirlooms for my children to cherish and look back on as they raise families.  The lesson that Papa's clock reminds me each day: time is fleeting, don’t forget to enjoy the here and now.

The First column written at 1:30AM released by the War Department by Major General Dix in New York reads: "This evening at about 9:30PM, at Ford's Theatre, the President, while sitting in his private box with Mrs. Lincoln, Mrs. Harris and Major Rathburn, was shot by an assassin, who suddenly entered the box and approached behind the President."  The dispatch continues, "The wound is mortal."

  

In the center, released at 7:30AM by the Secretary of War (Edwin M. Stanton), a further dispatch reads, "The President continues insensible and sinking...  Abraham Lincoln died this morning at twenty-two minutes pat 7 o'clock."

On the right, released by Jefferson Davis on April 5th concerning the fall of Richmond reads: "Let us, then, not despond, my country-men but relying on God, meet the foe with fresh defiance and with unconquered and unconquerable hearts."  General Lee would surrender to General Grant four days later on April 9th.  General Grant was scheduled to attend the play at Ford's Theatre with Lincoln on April 14th but changed plans and travelled to New Jersey to visit family.

Papa's clock