The future we see for our children

Dad 2.015 is over, the sponsors are packing up, the beer is flowing at the after party and the announcement was just made that Dad 2.016 will be in Washington, D.C.  The possibilities are endless!  President Obama put the importance of fatherhood front and center in his State of the Union, major companies like Facebook are leading the way with excellent parental leave policies and the buzz around millennials changing workforce expectations is growing.

As I get ready to fly home and reunite with my little angel, I can’t help but think about the world she is going to know when she is my age.  Some people look at the world around us and think of nothing but problems, but I see the world in a more optimistic light.  There are plenty of people out there doing wonderful things and making a true difference in the lives of their fellow humans.  Let’s face it, 30 years ago, when I was born, the idea of paid maternity leave, much less paternity leave, was radical.  In 1985 the workforce and education prospects of women were nothing remotely close to what they are now.  Imagine what another 30 years will do!

As a result of the people I have met this weekend, and hopefully my own little part, I see a world where the options my daughter and her partner will have concerning how they raise their children are endless.  A world where they can better balance the conflicts of work and life, a world where she can work without society questioning her fitness as a mother, a world where moms and dads are able to unplug from the world more frequently to enjoy the magic of their children.  All I want for everyone is the luxury of options - to stay at home, to work… to do whatever is best for THEIR family.

I believe this world is 100% possible and I intend to do as much as I can to help make that world a reality.  Dad 2.016 her I come!

Current State of Modern Fatherhood

I sit in my hotel room on a break from my first Dad 2.0 Summit in San Francisco.  The air of positivity about modern fatherhood and the electric atmosphere has me excited beyond words.  I am surrounded by some of the most accomplished, influential and thought-provoking Dads (and a few Moms).  For someone at the beginning of a journey into blogging, it is intimidating but also very energizing to meet people who were at the forefront of blogging and “fatherhood culture,” long before it became so popular.  Just this morning I met the co-founder of Pandora, a writer for Esquire magazine and numerous best-selling authors.  All of them had extremely interesting views on the current state of fatherhood and where we are going in the future.

Where are we going?  Well the future is extremely bright in my opinion.  Long gone (hopefully forever) are the days of split responsibility households with mom exclusively doing the child/house care and dad always staying late at work.  Apparently millennials, and the couple years around us, have realized that life is better for everyone when dad is involved in the day-to-day “messiness” of home life.  According to the experts who spoke today, children do better in school, have fewer discipline problems, are less medicated and have healthier relationships in their own life if dad is involved with them in a truly quantifiable way. 

This may seem like a “duh” moment to many people, but the truth is that a father’s role in a child’s life isn’t truly appreciated by most of society.  Not only do the benefits extend to children, but also parental partnerships are healthier and more satisfying for mom and dad when dad is more involved with the kids.  My wife would appreciate the comment from one of the speakers today who said that men who do their fair share of the childcare and housework report having a lot more sex.  Men, listen up, if you want to get down, do the laundry and help change the diapers!

This doesn’t mean that modern fatherhood is easy or we don’t have challenges to meet.  On the contrary, we now have an environment where work/life balance, child care, legal aspects of parenthood and a slew of other potential problems exist.  One harsh reality I realized, that maybe I already knew but was reinforced today, is that the USA is 1 of only 4 countries that does not have some form of paid paternity leave… The other 3 countries are Lesotho, Swaziland and Papua New Guinea.  Now I realize that our maternity leave isn’t great right now, but I think the data support a need for some quality time for dad too when a baby joins the family.  Some companies are getting the message and joining the change, but there is a long way to go.

This is but a taste of the topics of discussion today.  In addition to the awesome speakers, we had a chance to interact with some amazing sponsors of the conference who are committed to getting the message out that dads matter.  Some of them include: Lee Jeans, Dove Mens+Care, Kia, Hotwheels and Nerf.  I can honestly say that they are not just trying to sell more stuff, they are committed in real ways to help parents and kids lead better lives through initiatives, products and ways of thinking that are making a difference in our lives and our future. 

More to come later, but if you get a chance, please check out the summit website.  I have an appointment for a straight shave tomorrow morning...  See the last pic below!

 Before the Kick-off Keynote

 Sponsor displays

 Hotel Lobby

 Paternity leave breakout session

Dove Men+Care Lounge during wine tasting event!

I am now an adult!

Today I turned 30...  Pause for laughs from the older crowd.  Yes, I realize that 30 isn't a big deal to many people, but in reality, it marks the start to an incredibly important decade.  Up until this point, youthful dalliance could be used to describe any mistakes I made, or it could be chalked up to the fact that I was "learning."  But now I am expected to have learned most of my lessons and it is time to get down to business.

In all honesty I am relieved.  For those of you who know me probably would agree that I am already "old."  Not only have I been physically mistaken for a "30-something" for most of my late teens and 20s, but I also have a way of coming off as more mature than my years would suggest.  I take this as a compliment and only acknowledge it to say that I am glad my years have finally caught up with me and I am able to claim the age I feel I have been for sometime now...  I finally feel like an adult.

On most weekdays right now I come home around 1030pm after an 8 hour work day, 5 hours in grad school classes and over an hour in the car commuting but I couldn't be more satisfied with my life.  I do all of that for my amazing little girl so she can have the life she deserves.  She doesn't realize it yet, but everything I do (I am sure most parents do) now is for her.  I now worry about good dental coverage (hello braces), a college savings plan, having enough life insurance, paying extra on my mortgage, the list goes on...  I even go to bed at 830pm on weekends!

When do our priorities change so dramatically?  When do we realize that the daily crap doesn't matter that much?  When do we finally reach that point where we can honestly say "I've got this?"  Yes, the answer can revolve around having a child, but it is more than that.  It is a point where we are concerned with more than ourselves.

For each of us this moment comes at different points. Right now we are bombarded with reports, studies and polls showing how the events of adulthood (buying a car, a home, having children, etc.) are being delayed longer and longer for many 20 and 30 somethings.  For whatever the reason, becoming an adult is no longer a given at 18 or 21 like many previous generations.  I am not here to debate why that phenomenon is happening or even saying it is a bad thing, but what I do believe to be true is that the definition of adulthood is changing.  That fact will affect us all.

Big Personality in a Little Package

Tonight my daughter did something completely unscripted, hilarious and extremely honest...  While in the tub she let out a magnificently loud fart.  It reverberated throughout the bathroom and made huge bubbles in the water.  Before my wife and I could react our daughter was hysterically laughing, not just a little bit, but one of those belly laughs that make you so happy it hurts.  At 10 months old, my daughter already gets potty humor, probably one of the most universal types of humor that transcends culture, gender or age.  Let's be honest, farting is funny and she already knows it.

Our little bathroom incident is just one example of how her personality is shining through and she is breaking free of the typical cooing, smiling and clapping that defined the last few months.  She can now evaluate a situation and make up her mind what to think (to a point) and how to react.  It is magical to see the gears turning in her head and to watch her entertain herself, choose what she wants and even attempt to make conversation with people.  If she doesn't feel like we are paying enough attention to her, she reminds us of her presence with a nice little shout and smiles when we turn and look.  While playing on the floor together, she will actually come over and with a hand on each of my cheeks look me straight in the eyes while babbling as if to say "Dad, you aren't listening to me, I want that."  Apparently, I am already the "dumb" one who just doesn't understand.

I often wonder what kind of person she will become.  It is obvious that our little girl is very happy and enjoys seeing others happy, but we have already started noticing a very nurturing side.  We watch her on the video monitor hug her glow worm in bed, pet its forehead with tenderness and even have a conversation before we go in to greet her in the morning.  She is also becoming quite the little party animal.  She loves having a big group of people to interact with and will go to just about anyone she sees.  We make friends everywhere; the grocery store, park, with our mail lady and even the paint guy at Home Depot.  We really could learn something as adults from kids; be happy, greet each other with warmth and don't judge based on looks.  A smile goes a long way!

Now, my daughter isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  I have also noticed my stubbornness, need to constantly be doing something and sometimes more than slight impatience.  It is like looking in a mirror and seeing the traits she has learned in addition to her own individual self.  I am now more aware than ever of my personality traits and, in addition to watching my language, will have to be careful what I do.  It isn't a cliche...  All eyes are on me now!

Never a dull moment!